(for He knows better than i)
There are a few things in life that are absolute, and may I propose one which I hold dearly and close to my heart. In fact, it defines my existence and territory as a human being. I say with conviction in my heart that in my life, the word of God is absolute, for it is Jesus himself.[1]
I don’t exactly recall how in the world I have begun to think this way, but there had been moments when in immense hurt I looked to the Word for inspiration and I was saved from despair. The Word of God is real, and it breathes life to me. So whenever my faith is under attack, I submit to the Word’s authority in my life. I find comfort in its promises that I am not alone, and the battle is not mine. It is my weapon[2] and by it, I acquire the gift of discernment. Set against the word of God, the motives behind my actions and other people’s arguments are given light, because His word is light and it gives understanding.[3] Some people may reject the message outright, but I do not put them down. I believe that God is not finished with them, yet. On another occasion, if perhaps I have not received Christ in my life, I may be liable to do the same. I remember a time when I myself mouthed the sentiments of an unbeliever, hating people who tried to share the word of God to me, and I remember now that I tried to avoid them for acting like know-it-alls. It is my awareness of my sinful nature that moves me to respond to them in love, and not in hate when I recall the history of sin. Now, I thank God for His grace and mercy, for without them, I would still be lost and not found. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for by it heaven had been assured for me. While I go around living my life here and now, I am secure that my residence is a place a hundred steps up from this world — in that land where I’ll see Jesus face to face, where we’ll never grow old, where tears will no longer fall, where friends will no longer have to say goodbye…
I say that goodbyes are temporary for people who love God, because wherever they are at this point in time, they will eventually live together in the place prepared for them. I say that goodbyes are forever between two people, one, a believer, and the other, a rejecter of Jesus’ love. I believe I have said goodbye, a temporary one, to someone I have learned to love because I needed to stand up for Jesus. I say temporary because I know, God will deal with him, very soon.
Tears fell because I said goodbye. Those tears taught me that it must be love I was already feeling for the person, and in my heart, I know, I stubbornly went ahead while the light was red. I was deceived by a deceiver, my heart, and I delighted in a feeling that was incongruous with my relationship with God. There were times when my focus was his smile, and not his character; the touch of his hand, and not his person, his beautiful mind, and not his faith — all because I felt love justified all these. Though I knew he was questioning the very basic foundation of what I hold most dear, I closed my eyes to this fact and tried to believe that I eventually, will be able to change him, or that for my sake, he will be just like me.
Yet, that was the most selfish thing to do to a person — even if our motives seem good, and even if I know that God wants people to turn to Him — God wants people to love Him out of the freedom that has been given them. That is true love, God’s unselfish love! I knew I would crush him if I imposed myself on him. Or, if I compromised my faith just to accommodate him in my life, God will be displaced and I will fail my Savior. I stopped on my tracks. I made a decision to turn back and determine that spot where I started to leave the narrow way.
It was most difficult because I know I loved him already, and I’m sure he had felt that. I don’t want him to fall in love with me because I know, loving him in the first place was not for the best, for both of us. If I remained a friend to him and did not fall in love, there would be no struggle so strong on his and my part, for then, we could easily be tolerant of each other’s beliefs, but since my emotions got in the way, I had to do something. As a result, there was a total severance that is now causing me pain.
The time I started to think of him romantically and not merely as a friend and brother, I jeopardized my faith. Eventually, another “Goodbye” was spoken, and a promise of forever broken.
I can never live without God in my life, and having submitted to my calling, I cannot look back on things that will destroy my testimony. God is counting on me — I couldn’t fail Him now…
I’ve tried to win him for the Lord, but his response had been uniform — he cannot accept the authority of the Word of God over others that resulted from worldly wisdom. That was a red light, and I stepped on the brakes. I didn’t go forward because I didn’t want both of us to face the dire consequences of my disobedience, for though God’s message for him may not be as clear, His instruction to me is categorical! What must I do but to obey! I do not want him to share a trip to Tarshish with a disobedient Jonah like me, where both of us could suffer.
Now, I accept his decision to hate me. But I am still praying that one day, soon, he will come to realize the wisdom behind my decision — when he already accepts Jesus in his life.
I love him, still, and I will continue to love him more now as a brother, this time, unconditionally by continuing to pray for him, though we can no longer be with each other, and enjoy each other’s physical company just like before. Billy Graham once said: “Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons — but they are helpless against our prayers.” Thanks, Billy, that I will most certainly do.
I am hurting, too, but I don’t want to focus on my pain, and I don’t think he should, too, because, as I said, he has admirable qualities that easily attract friends. I pray that there would be people who would be with him as our drifting apart causes a void in himself, if it happens that way. May he find strength and love in his family, and may his friends give him the comfort that he needs. I pray that this experience gives him a new opportunity to grow as a person, and may each day greet him with the promise of a future filled with love and success. Above all, I pray that his doubts will be answered by God, and soon, like Thomas, he will shout for joy.
Since life here is but for a moment, I wouldn’t trade heaven with the things of this temporal world. I’ve said goodbye to my temporal feelings not because of his beliefs, and I have not said goodbye just to hurt him. Though my decision may have a direct impact upon him, my main consideration is God’s desire that His children must not yoke with unbelievers. Other than his dissimilar religious beliefs, I regard him highly which explains the love that sprouted and grew in my heart. But I hope that one day, he will realize that above myself, above him, and above all — everything in me: my desires, my dreams, my ambitions, even the person I hold dear, must submit to God’s plan. I do not want to say goodbye, but it was something that I had to do and endure and learn to accept as a necessary consequence of my decision to dedicate my life to the Lord.
[1] John 1:1
[2] Hebrews 4:12
[3] Psalm 119:130
