Authors whose works will be published in Ani 35 (Asian Issue):
1. Poetry: Mark Angeles, Lilia Antonio, GMae Aquino, Gil Beltran, Herminio Beltran, Kri Berse, Raymond Calbay, Catherine Candano, Kristian Cordero, Carlomar Arcangel Daoana, Dennis Espada, Rogerick Fontanilla Fernandez, Reparado Galos III, Joscephine Gomez, Malou Jacob, Ed Nelson R. Labao, Erwin C. Lareza, Francisco Arias Monteseña, Jose Velando Ogatis-I, H. Francisco V. Peñones, Jr, Dinah Roma-Sianturi, Scott Magkachi Sabóy, Judith Balares Salamat, Louie Jon A. Sanchez, Soliman Agulto Santos, Rakki E. Sison-Buban, Jason Tabinas, Camilo M. Villanueva, Jr., Prose/Sanaysay,
2. Fiction/Kuwento: Genevieve L. Asenjo, Abdon M. Balde Jr., Janet Tauro Batuigas, Nonong V. Carandang, Christoffer Mitch Cerda, Joey Stephanie Chua, Luis P. Gatmaitan, Karla Javier, Phillip Kimpo, Jr, Glenn Sevilla Mas, Francisco Arias Monteseña, Ruth V. Mostrales, Wilhelmina S. Orozco, H. Francisco V. Peñones, Jr, Vincent Lester G. Tan, Dolores R. Taylan, Rose Torres-Yu, Betty Uy-Regala
3. Malayang Haraya Jaime Jesus Borlagdan, Genaro R. Gojo Cruz, Edgar Calabia Samar, Arvin Tiong Ello, Ferdinand Pisigan Jarin, Gexter Ocampo Lacambra, Jeffrey A. Lubang, Perry C. Mangilaya, Noahlyn Maranan, Louie Jon A. Sanchez
It’s a new day, a typical new day with old woes. But what’s nice with the dawning of a new day is the promise that comes with it. So I tell myself: “Keep the faith, the old bag of jokes that always worked, just in case, and hold on to things that matter.”
I expect a day filled with paperwork, research, a stiff neck and tired fingers typing, but I’ll be playing Chris Christian’s songs in the background, or Avalon’s and my day will be filled with work and music and my life will be less dreary.
I’ll be thinking about the holiday that I will spend hanging out with my siblings in Baguio, but even where I would be all day, I will smell the scent of pine trees as I ascend the Kennon Road of my childhood (even though in reality it would just be a mount of documents).
At the end of the day, I would thank God that I made it alive to the mountain of evening where the sun will be earliest felt come the next day. Perhaps I’d go to the mall with my sister and meet with our parmigiana de sbarro, or perhaps, meet with him. Either or neither of the two will do.
You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you and ordained you that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain so that whatsoever you shall ask of the Father in My name, He may give it to you. John 15:16
During worship time, John whispered to me, “I’ll give you a flower later”, but I shushed him. It was a warm day as usual at church. We don’t have enough stand fans, and the small chapel will benefit from a ceiling. It is hard to concentrate on a very warm day. I picked up the Book and read from 1 Thessalonians 5:19. It said: Quench not the spirit.
After the service, John handed me a bud; it was small, but its yellow was bright and lively — I thanked him with a smile. He apologized that it was too small. And then it dawned upon me that the flower could have been a pomelo in a few weeks, but it was nipped in the bud by an excited boy who wanted to give me something he knows will bring a smile to my face. I may have spoken of several illustrations to explain 1 Thessalonians 5:19, but John taught me a very basic thing that I may have missed.
God wants us to be attentive to the Holy Spirit so that its fruits will continue to grow and multiply in our lives. Poor spiritual nutrition will lead to spiritual death. Shushing the Holy Spirit when It speaks to us makes it sad. What a terrible day it is when we no longer hear its voice! The buds of grace growing in our lives need constant nurture by the word of God, good works and fellowshipping with believers. They are strengthened by prayer and recharged by fasting. They become better when we disciple others. No matter how puny we may think they are, we must guard the gifts/fruits of the Spirit in us, use them for His purposes, and give all of the honor and the glory to the One who makes them grow.
In the same way that John’s excitement destroyed the future of that flower, sometimes, we nip in the bud the fruits of the Spirit by disobedience — the reign of human nature again in our lives. While we may be output oriented, God is more interested in the process that leads to the output. He may not be as excited about what will be accomplished, but what the struggle of trying to suffer for righteousness’ sake will accomplish in us.
And so, because of this basic difference between how God thinks and how we think, there are many fruits that die as flowers — they never come to be simply because the difficulties which often results from following God’s commands have become too much to bear. There is a problem when we fail to see the sun of blessing beyond the cloud of trial to claim the reward of a Christlike character, that which overcomes and never yields to our enemy’s devices to steal eternal life from us. It’s nice to look at flowers — but they do wilt as they are. Jesus’ command is that we should bear fruits, and that our fruits should remain (John 15:16).
There are a few things in life that are absolute, and may I propose one which I hold dearly and close to my heart. In fact, it defines my existence and territory as a human being. I say with conviction in my heart that in my life, the word of God is absolute, for it is Jesus himself.[1]
I don’t exactly recall how in the world I have begun to think this way, but there had been moments when in immense hurt I looked to the Word for inspiration and I was saved from despair. The Word of God is real, and it breathes life to me. So whenever my faith is under attack, I submit to the Word’s authority in my life. I find comfort in its promises that I am not alone, and the battle is not mine. It is my weapon[2] and by it, I acquire the gift of discernment. Set against the word of God, the motives behind my actions and other people’s arguments are given light, because His word is light and it gives understanding.[3] Some people may reject the message outright, but I do not put them down. I believe that God is not finished with them, yet. On another occasion, if perhaps I have not received Christ in my life, I may be liable to do the same. I remember a time when I myself mouthed the sentiments of an unbeliever, hating people who tried to share the word of God to me, and I remember now that I tried to avoid them for acting like know-it-alls. It is my awareness of my sinful nature that moves me to respond to them in love, and not in hate when I recall the history of sin. Now, I thank God for His grace and mercy, for without them, I would still be lost and not found. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for by it heaven had been assured for me. While I go around living my life here and now, I am secure that my residence is a place a hundred steps up from this world — in that land where I’ll see Jesus face to face, where we’ll never grow old, where tears will no longer fall, where friends will no longer have to say goodbye…
I say that goodbyes are temporary for people who love God, because wherever they are at this point in time, they will eventually live together in the place prepared for them. I say that goodbyes are forever between two people, one, a believer, and the other, a rejecter of Jesus’ love. I believe I have said goodbye, a temporary one, to someone I have learned to love because I needed to stand up for Jesus. I say temporary because I know, God will deal with him, very soon.
Tears fell because I said goodbye. Those tears taught me that it must be love I was already feeling for the person, and in my heart, I know, I stubbornly went ahead while the light was red. I was deceived by a deceiver, my heart, and I delighted in a feeling that was incongruous with my relationship with God. There were times when my focus was his smile, and not his character; the touch of his hand, and not his person, his beautiful mind, and not his faith — all because I felt love justified all these. Though I knew he was questioning the very basic foundation of what I hold most dear, I closed my eyes to this fact and tried to believe that I eventually, will be able to change him, or that for my sake, he will be just like me.
Yet, that was the most selfish thing to do to a person — even if our motives seem good, and even if I know that God wants people to turn to Him — God wants people to love Him out of the freedom that has been given them. That is true love, God’s unselfish love! I knew I would crush him if I imposed myself on him. Or, if I compromised my faith just to accommodate him in my life, God will be displaced and I will fail my Savior. I stopped on my tracks. I made a decision to turn back and determine that spot where I started to leave the narrow way.
It was most difficult because I know I loved him already, and I’m sure he had felt that. I don’t want him to fall in love with me because I know, loving him in the first place was not for the best, for both of us. If I remained a friend to him and did not fall in love, there would be no struggle so strong on his and my part, for then, we could easily be tolerant of each other’s beliefs, but since my emotions got in the way, I had to do something. As a result, there was a total severance that is now causing me pain.
The time I started to think of him romantically and not merely as a friend and brother, I jeopardized my faith. Eventually, another “Goodbye” was spoken, and a promise of forever broken.
I can never live without God in my life, and having submitted to my calling, I cannot look back on things that will destroy my testimony. God is counting on me — I couldn’t fail Him now…
I’ve tried to win him for the Lord, but his response had been uniform — he cannot accept the authority of the Word of God over others that resulted from worldly wisdom. That was a red light, and I stepped on the brakes. I didn’t go forward because I didn’t want both of us to face the dire consequences of my disobedience, for though God’s message for him may not be as clear, His instruction to me is categorical! What must I do but to obey! I do not want him to share a trip to Tarshish with a disobedient Jonah like me, where both of us could suffer.
Now, I accept his decision to hate me. But I am still praying that one day, soon, he will come to realize the wisdom behind my decision — when he already accepts Jesus in his life.
I love him, still, and I will continue to love him more now as a brother, this time, unconditionally by continuing to pray for him, though we can no longer be with each other, and enjoy each other’s physical company just like before. Billy Graham once said: “Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons — but they are helpless against our prayers.” Thanks, Billy, that I will most certainly do.
I am hurting, too, but I don’t want to focus on my pain, and I don’t think he should, too, because, as I said, he has admirable qualities that easily attract friends. I pray that there would be people who would be with him as our drifting apart causes a void in himself, if it happens that way. May he find strength and love in his family, and may his friends give him the comfort that he needs. I pray that this experience gives him a new opportunity to grow as a person, and may each day greet him with the promise of a future filled with love and success. Above all, I pray that his doubts will be answered by God, and soon, like Thomas, he will shout for joy.
Since life here is but for a moment, I wouldn’t trade heaven with the things of this temporal world. I’ve said goodbye to my temporal feelings not because of his beliefs, and I have not said goodbye just to hurt him. Though my decision may have a direct impact upon him, my main consideration is God’s desire that His children must not yoke with unbelievers. Other than his dissimilar religious beliefs, I regard him highly which explains the love that sprouted and grew in my heart. But I hope that one day, he will realize that above myself, above him, and above all — everything in me: my desires, my dreams, my ambitions, even the person I hold dear, must submit to God’s plan. I do not want to say goodbye, but it was something that I had to do and endure and learn to accept as a necessary consequence of my decision to dedicate my life to the Lord.
16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. Daniel 3:16-18
I just so wish I could follow my heart, that I would not have any other concern than to spread my wings and fly to the promise land of my dreams, that I did not have to parry other people’s expectations, or if need be, that I’d be on top of them. If in this world I cannot be, and in this day and age remain languid and docile, without neither power nor fervor, my prayer is this: Haste the day, and as the days proceed — let it be well with my soul!
I just so wish I had the stamina to fight all the injustices in this world, and at every opportunity, the fiber to stand up for truth and justice — but at the outset, I find it a worthless affair if I do not return to myself. Who am I? Am I living true to God’s expectation of me? When Jesus invites me to “Come and suffer” — do I answer to the call? Or, have I committed to follow my master but take the lead? His footsteps — how often they lead me to difficulty and ridicule and hunger, both in mind and in spirit, which leave me more often than not, grumbling. I desire more, perhaps more than what He sees as my need. Am I doing things the way Jesus would do if he were here, where I am now? Would he have said no to the needy? Would he have hurt that man’s feelings? Would he have spoken ill of that person? Would he have said no to an opportunity to love others? Would he have…?
I’m praying, and while I do, I hold on to His promises. I hold on to Him alone, for He has never failed me yet. I will continue to struggle, put His teachings to the test, believe they are practicable even now, and do as He commanded: To love Him above all and to love my fellowman above myself. And should it ever come to a point that following Him will lead me to utter disappointment, suffering, alienation, even death — I will take His answer to Peter, “What is that to thee? Follow me…” It will take a lot of dependence to say what Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego said to King Nebuchadnezzar, but acquiring that much faith is in my life plan, until faith becomes sight, very soon.
A pair of trainers to run the earth /
With people I hold dear /
A pair of sunglasses to watch the sky /
As the day is drawing near /
A prayer in my pocket, the Word in my heart /
And love to tell me why… /
These are the things that I must keep close /
And all I need to get by.
use me Lord in Your service
I've been reading Oswald Chambers' My Utmost For His Highest, and I've been awakened, pricked, slapped, hurt, and stabbed by the Truth.
Thank God for that book. I was able to grab a copy of its Limited Classic Edition at Book Sale for P 115.00 only! Along with that book, I was able to scout a Philip Yancey book What's So Amazing About Grace. I've read a few pages, but I'm loving it so far.
Just Me, Ruthie
I try to solve people's problems everyday, and to do so, I resolve to make them my own. I endeavor to keep sane. Scripture, music, scenic poetry, and uplifting company make me sane...
